The Good Man Checklist

A friend of mine asked me to edit a letter he was writing to his teenage daughters about what to look for in a good man. After I poured my heart back into my chest (it had melted all over the floor), I put on my editor hat to engage in what this father sees as important in a man.

My letter-writing friend mentioned discipline, the way the boy in question treats his mother, and whether he has the strength of character to respectfully disagree with his girl.

Reading his thoughts intersected with several conversations I've had over the past few months with Christian singles trying to figure out what this whole dating thing should be about.

I think I need another decade of life experience before I could begin to pick apart what’s really honoring when it comes to dating “with Jesus at the center.” But since I can’t fix the good man/Christian dating problem this morning (feel free to weigh in), I can at least start the conversation.

Of course, the most important thing should be Jesus. But, when I met Dave, the quality of his relationship with Jesus (as well as my own) wouldn't have been winning either one of us any crowns in heaven. We've both changed dramatically, and his relationship with the Lord is strong, steady, and well…quiet. So I worry that if I told you that the ONLY thing that matters is to “make sure Jesus is at the center of your relationship” you might start to figure that he’s got to have some worship songs he can sing to you on the guitar, or he needs to exposit some scripture, or for goodness sake, at least move people to tears with the passion of his public prayers. And sometimes in the quest for that spiritual leader, you might miss the qualities that Christ put in your man that aren't quite so visible. Like these:

#10: He should be teachable. You should observe him being OK at taking correction.

#9: He should be humble. One sign of a humble man is that he’s willing to celebrate other’s strengths. If you don’t ever see him admiring someone else for something, he might not have room for anyone in his heart but himself.

#8: He should make you smile. If making you smile means being goofy or dancing crazy or bringing you flowers or watching Bravo with you or delivering great one-liners, no matter what it means to you… you are gonna need it. His looks may make your stomach flutter now, but eventually flutters fade… laughter goes a long way.

#7: He should also make you think. He should stand up to you. You might like being right (believe me, I get that) but you need a man who’s willing to go toe-to-toe with you and call you out when you are being stubborn or seeing the world with your crazy glasses on. Believe me, he has different opinions than you… and you need him to express them.

#6: He should cherish you. We women know we talk a big game, but at the end of the day, we want someone who will give us protection. I remember in college Dave being very concerned about my whereabouts when I was away at football games… and although I probably rolled my eyes and told him he was annoying, I know deep down that I wanted him to care in that way.

#5: He should bear fruit. Maybe he’s not the up-front guy in your church or campus ministry, but do you observe these qualities in him? Peace? Patience? Kindness? Goodness... and the rest of those Galatians qualities? Is he diligent in his work? How does he treat children? His mother, even when she’s annoying? Do you see qualities in him that you admire?

#4: He respects you. Even when you are irrational. Even when you are emotional. If you say no to his advances, even if you said yes the day before…he gets it, he backs off. If he uses emotional manipulation or any kind of physical coercion–get the heck out of that.

#3: He can control his temper. Everyone gets angry, but the Bible equates a man who is quick to anger to a fool. Nobody likes to show their angry side, so if you are beginning a relationship with a guy and you are seeing a temper, you better believe he’s giving you his “best side.” So imagine what that might look like in ten years, when the shine’s worn off and he’s still angry. Red flag.

#2: He is trustworthy. There is a feeling in his presence that he can be trusted. You tell him things and he doesn’t repeat them. You mess up and ask forgiveness and he really lets it go. You go out for a girl’s night and he doesn’t hound you every hour. He treats you specially and differently than any of his other friends, but he doesn’t make you his idol, nor does he demand that he become yours. If trust is breached, he confesses. If his trust of you feels threatened, he confronts it. This kind of trust is built upon consistent and persistent communication, even when you both stumble around trying to express yourself. This man knows that getting things out in the open is worth all the work.

And my original and still #1:

He should think you are awesome. The best relationships I’ve seen have a bit of mutual awe built into them. This guy thinks you are almost “out of his league”… but you feel the same about him. He admires characteristics in you, and he believes in you. He reminds you of who you really are, and he sees you as you at your best. And in each other’s presence, you are both better people. This is the true picture of a marriage with Christ at the center, and I believe that there are Christian men and women who are honestly following Christ who WON’T meet this criterion together. At the end of the day, there is a mystery of love that can’t be programmed or planned. It requires faith, surrender, and a giving in even when it defies reason. Maybe that’s why they call it “falling” in love…

What do you think? What other Christ-like qualities should be on this list? Sound off in our comments section! 

I am not BUT I know 'I AM'

As much as I've looked forward to the reading of this book,  i was very disappointed. I tried to enjoy the book, but i just could not. This is my first time reading a "Giglio Louie" book and am totally turned of. Never heard him speak before but am sure he has made an impression to some audience. I find this book very tedious to read and redundant, it sounded more of a literary to me, not sure if its a fiction or non-fiction, i could not place myself in this book.
 

However, i like the idea of the book and what it is all about ,"I AM NOT BUT I KNOW I AM"....
I am not strong but i know I AM who is
I am not rich but i know I AM who is
"The fact that our names are I am not does, not require us to put ourselves down but rather to embrace the fact that we already achieve the greatest heights because we know I AM" God plus anyone is an overwhelming majority,an exceeding powerful team.....Knowing that when we are weak, helpless and hopeless we are not to put ourselves down but to know that we are seated in heavenly places because we know I AM who is strong and graceful, that was why he died for us while we are yet sinners and he made us a royal priesthood.

 He also mentioned that God chooses us to be included in his purpose,he did not just bring us here and forsake us. He's affirmation is so sure, "don't worry about who you are, just focus on the reality of who i am and the fact that i am going with you"!!.....Now that is great news.

 Young believers might appreciate this book which  i recommend, also for seminary students. It will work well as one of their text books and also a playlet.

I receive this book for free for my honest review from waterbrook multnomah publishing group.

The 5 Money Personalities

Money in any kind of relationship is always a sensitive area to tread on and many couples in every relationship, either you have it or not is always an object of discussion. Who says love and money can not mix , who says you have to choose? According to the writer of this book "the Money Couple" knowing your personality towards money is a great tool for your relationship.

I like the idea the writer has about your personality towards money,it is who you are,it is what make you. knowing yourself and knowing your spouse's stance toward money will save you a lot of heartache and bitterness towards your spouse. ....Unfortunately there are no Biblical reference in this book guess it was not written from a religious perspective, it a book every couple should have especially newly wed, (this should follow after you've read on how to be a better spouse)......

One thing i was looking forward to, that the writer did not mention was that circumstances affect's your behavior towards money, and that you can be either or......and changes as one mature and as their life unfolds. Also your spouses behavior towards money can shape yours,which is a fact!!....it also seems there is a targeted audience this book was written for.......because if you are broke you only have One Money Personality "SURVIVAL"

I received a copy of this book for review free from the publisher,i am not required to write a positive review, the opinion i express are my own.

Lord Move Or Move Me

Why Men Hate Going To Church By David Murrow

Being in the ministry,one can't help but wonder the number of men versus women in the church. For a long time i have often wondered if lack of leadership or submission has cause this predicament.As I read this book I thought about my church and other churches I've visited. I realized that all Christian religions have two things in common: Worship the same God and we have the same type of people. A Church dominated by women and men who hate being there. “ There are two kinds of people in the church; the pillars and the caterpillars. the pillars uphold the church with their prayers; their work and their donations. they build the kingdom of God by the sweat of their brows. The caterpillars crawl in Sunday morning, sing a few songs, listen to a sermon and crawl out again , not to be seen for a week.” Because some many of the pillars of the church are women, “ imagine the chaos if every woman took Sunday off?”. Who do I recommend read this book? Any person who is serious about helping men find their places and maintain what God has given them. Men and women working together; side by side for the gospel of Jesus; no one left out. Men could also benefit from reading this book to see some of the “invisible” influences that have been affecting them. Overall, this was a very honest and much-needed book. Although the book is full of black and white categories and over-generalizations, the author has done his homework and as someone who has been intimately involved with church my entire life, there's just no questioning some of his observations and conclusions.  I received this book free from the publisher through the BookSneeze®.com book review bloggers program. I was not required to write a positive review. The opinions I have expressed are my own. 

Dissolving Partnership

So Abram moved his tents and went to live near the great trees of Mamre at Hebron, where he built an altar to the Lord. - Genesis 13:18

Abraham took a totally different approach to solving this problem. He told Lot to choose which land he wanted. Imagine, Abraham could have been dooming himself and his family if he was unable to find adequate land and water for them. He gave up his rights in the matter, and Lot took full advantage. "Lot looked up and saw that the whole plain of the Jordan was well watered, like the garden of the Lord, like the land of Egypt, toward Zoar" (Gen. 13:10). So Lot left and took up residence in the valley later to be known as Sodom and Gomorrah. Sometimes what seems good on the front end turns out to be disastrous later. Such would be the case for Lot and his family.

As for Abraham, he made a choice. He decided to take life's high road -- a choice that didn't necessarily mean his life circumstances would benefit him. He was willing to leave that outcome to God. He made the decision based on an eternal measuring stick. Interestingly, the place where Abraham moved was called Mamre. In Hebrew, the name Mamre means "strength." How can choosing the weakest position become "strength"? Jesus must have asked the same question of His Father when faced with the proposition of going to the cross. How can the cross be a place of strength? The devil thought he had won, but the cross is what freed the captives for eternity. The Bible tells us that when we are weak, then we are really strong. To willingly choose the way of the cross becomes our strength. 

Which Dog Wins?

There is a never ending battle in the life of every believer between the flesh and the spirit. Have you noticed? Even when we surrender our lives to God, satan continues to tempt us. We are never given a reprieve from temptation. So how do we wage this-long battle? And who wins?

I believe the answer is revealed in this story. An alaskan trapper owned several dogs,two of which he trained to fight. Every month he would bring the dogs--one white and one black--to  town to fight. The townspeople would bet on the winner, sometimes betting on the black dog, sometimes on the white one. The owner of the dogs would bet too and he always won.One month he'd bet on the black dog,and the black dog would win. Another month he would gamble on the white dog, and the white dog would win.Some folk finally caught on, and asked the man his secret. "How do you know which dog is going to win?" they asked. "you are never wrong" The dog owner shrugged his shouldes and said, It's easy,really. The one who wins is the one i feed.

Who's going to win the battle the spirit and the flesh? That's easy, too. The stronger one is the one we feed. So we must set our minds on the things of God,seeking to please him in all we do. In that way, we feed the spirit and insure victory over sin.